


Here for Each Other | Nagi Has Repressed Depression

by orphan_account



Category: Uta no Prince-sama
Genre: Bittersweet Ending, Childhood depression, Depression, Gen, Headcanon, Light Angst, One Shot, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-08
Updated: 2020-02-08
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:14:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22615441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: "I...feel weird." This made Eiichi look up, violet eyes searching. Nagi was curled in on himself, facing him, but his head tucked in. He couldn't see Nagi's eyes. "I don't feel like myself."
Relationships: Mikado Nagi & Ootori Eiichi
Kudos: 18





	Here for Each Other | Nagi Has Repressed Depression

"Eiichi?" The voice was small, he almost hadn't heard it.

"Hm?" Eiichi replied. He and Nagi were the last in the common room. Eiichi had been working on some lyrics, Nagi curled up on the couch across from him. He'd been so absorbed he hadn't even notice the young idol was still awake. He'd been expecting to have to carry the kid up to bed. "What's up?" 

"I...feel weird." This made Eiichi look up, violet eyes searching. Nagi was curled in on himself, facing him, but his head tucked in. He couldn't see Nagi's eyes. "I don't feel like myself." 

Eiichi's heart sank. In truth, he'd been expecting this. But somehow he'd imagined he'd talk to Shion or Kira. Eiji, even. Not him. "What do you mean?" He tried to keep his tone level. Nagi was very particular about being babied, ironically enough. He'd always been treated as an adult and equal and, childish act aside, didn't take well to being pitied or anything like that. 

Nagi sighed, getting his arms under him and propping himself up. He still wasn't looking at Eiichi, opting to stare at the carpet instead. He plucked at the hem of his shirt, seemingly just looking for something to do with his hands. "I feel...sleepy all the time. And I'm not focused." He made a face. "Even when I try, I can't seem to keep a grip on what I'm doing. And it's not like I'm sleeping too much or too little, we all keep more or less the same schedules." 

He wanted to point out that Nagi, unlike most of them, was still a growing tweenager who needed more rest than the rest of them did. And, he thought a bit guiltily, far more than any of them were getting these days. But he kept silent. Pointing this out wouldn't do anything but close him up. "And?" He pressed lightly. 

Despite his best efforts, he'd pushed some button, for Nagi burst out, "I don't know okay! I just... Don't feel like myself." He lifted his hands, palms up, looking at them as if he'd never seen them before. "I don't feel like myself. Sometimes I don't even feel real. Sometimes I don't feel anything at all! But other times, it's like I feel too much. Like now!" He looked up miserably and Eiichi could see he was gulping, trying to keep himself together. 

Then Nagi looked down, clearly feeling guilty for his outburst. "I'm sorry," he muttered. 

"It's fine," Eiichi replied soothingly. 

Nagi only seemed to grow more miserable. "Like now," he began again, "I get sudden bursts of anger and sadness all at once, and then," he sighed heavily, and Eiichi didn't like the way the younger's shoulders slumped, "and then I get all numb again. Or empty. Or-- I don't know, whatever this is!" He seemed to catch his rising tone again. He buried his face in his hands, curled up, and slumped back down onto the couch. 

Eiichi set his work aside, moving slowly to Nagi's side. He sat down heavily, reaching a tentative hand out to Nagi. The latter tensed, but didn't shy away, and Eiichi felt his heart sink just a little more as he realized how much Nagi wanted to be comforted now. He rubbed Nagi's back soothingly. Violet eyes continued to search, wondering if he was ready for his honesty. But Nagi... Was too mature. Too mature, and far too young yet. 

"Nagi," he said as gently as he could, "I think you might have depression." 

Nagi's eyes had been slitted, but they closed heavily now. He nodded slowly, just a little, as if he had only needed reassurance of this realization. 

"I think you might want to look into--"

"I don't want to go to therapy." Nagi's reply had been almost harsh, in a tired sort of way. 

Eiichi sighed. "Why not? I've been seeing--" 

The younger looked up, "YOU'VE been seeing a therapist???" He looked incredulous. 

Eiichi nodded, "I've been in therapy on and off since--" Since I was your age, he thought. "For awhile now," he said diplomatically. 

Nagi looked away again, relaxing into the backrub Eiichi was still giving him. "I don't know if I'll have time," he said quietly. 

"We'll make time," Eiichi responded. 

Nagi shook his head, "I don't want to drop any projects I'm doing," he insisted. 

"You won't have to," Eiichi promised. 

Nagi lay quietly for a while. Then he asked, almost sheepishly, "does anyone else..." He trailed off, blushing slightly. It felt wrong to pry. 

Eiichi nodded. "Eiji and I both go regularly. Shion does as well." Eiichi bit his lip, but continued, "I keep trying to convince Kira and Yamato, but Kira was raised with such a stigma, and Yamato is too stubborn." 

"And Van?" 

Eiichi pursed his lips. "He was, but stopped a few months ago." 

"Why?" Nagi asked. 

Eiichi sighed again. "Hasn't found one he's comfortable talking to, I think." Though there was probably more to it than that. 

Nagi's shoulders slumped a bit. "Do you think I'll find a good therapist?" 

Eiichi was about to automatically respond "yes" but reconsidered. "If you don't like your therapist, you can always change who you see. I mean, it's personal, but that's the whole point." Eiichi smiled at him, also a bit drained himself, "but honestly? It's taken a few years for me and Eiji to find one we felt comfortable with. But you can start with one's we're seeing. Or the one Shion is seeing, I'm sure." 

Nagi considered. Then, after a long moment, said, "I don't know if I have the energy." 

"I'll help as much as I can, if you'd like," Eiichi replied, trying to soothe him. 

Nagi was quiet a bit longer. "Does it have to be now? Or tomorrow?"

"No," Eiichi replied calmly, switching to brushing through Nagi's hair. "It's just... Something to think about." 

Nagi huffed. "And why do I feel like you'll be disappointed if I don't?" 

"I won't." Eiichi's voice was so firm it'd startled Nagi. In a softer tone, Eiichi added, "I just want you to do what's best for you, Nagi. Whatever that is. Maybe therapy can help. Maybe just HEAVENS can help--" 

A small intake of breath and the smallest noise from the young boy made Eiichi stop. As he looked down again at him, Nagi suddenly has years streaking across his face onto the cushions. He pulled Nagi into his lap, and for once, Nagi just went with it, hugging their leader. "I'd like that," he croaked through tears. "I'd-- I want--" 

Eiichi stroked his hair comfortingly. "Of course Nagi. All you have to do is ask." 

"But I feel bad!" Nagi exclaimed, sobbing outright. 

Eiichi waited a moment, cradling the crying boy before whispering. "You don't have to feel bad with me, okay?" He hugged Nagi even tighter. "We're all here for each other, okay?" 

Nagi responded by curling up and just letting go, letting all the confusion and guilt and ugly, stupid, useless emotions flood out. And Eiichi held him. Just held him. It wasn't an immediate fix, but it helped. Nagi wasn't ready to admit it, but Eiichi had gotten through his anxiety. It was nice to just trust someone to hold him, and for once, not worry that they'd let go. Eiichi wouldn't be disgusted. Not Eiichi. And that meant so much more than he was ready to say. For now, anyway. 


End file.
